Milton Berle 46. I believe in what's possible for me. Henny Youngman, 246. Art doesnt transform. 3. 159. Robert A. Heinlein, 243. 26. Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. 174. Dave Barry Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. I feed my spirit. I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. 179. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. Discover short videos related to funny affirmations on TikTok.
39 Funny Positive Affirmations [Feel Happier Instantly] Heres a giant list of funny affirmations to help you relax your mind with a little humor when youre stressed. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. 118. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? 24. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes., 2. The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. 4. I have committed to being my most outstanding self. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. 45. Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. 267. Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. 110. Your mind will naturally focus more on the positive things that happen that day rather than the negatives. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. 232. 149. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. "Who you are inside is what helps you make and do everything in life". Why did the school kids eat their homework? 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. 1. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. 269. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. Your actions become your habits. 221. Affirmations are a great way to change your mindset. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face. I never apologize. A mind is like a parachute. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? "Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.". "Start each day with a positive thought and a grateful heart.". My body deserves healthy food and exercise, not junk food or laziness. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. "A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. Albert King. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? 70. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. What do I do for a living? A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. 23. Without further ado, lets look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. I might go home today, but I will go bigger tomorrow. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? A mind is like a parachute. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive.
85 Funny Wednesday Quotes, Sayings, Pics, and Images - The Random Vibez Everyone brings happiness to this office. 2. 221. I can always think of something funny to say. Honolulu, its got everything. 170. 117. Franklin Jones Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. 87. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. Im full of funny ideas waiting to be expressed. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. Shoot for the moon. I have seen better days, but Ive also seen worse. Being funny seems to be taking less effort. Microchips. 228. 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr.
100+ weird quotes that make no sense at all but are funny 261. When life closes a door, just open it again. 152. It has nothing new to tell you. Some when they enter, some when they leave. Today, I choose to put on my positive pants. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes.
39 Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. I ve had great success using daily affirmations for my personal development. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? 158. "Have a great Wednesday. 104. I am grateful for all that I have.
Friday Affirmations: 20 Affirmations to Wind Down the Week Why did the can crusher quit his job? 214. I deserve sugar, spice, and all things nice. I will go out. 45. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. Steven Alexander Wright. 1. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow.
Funny Affirmation - Etsy Flip Wilson, 263. I love living in my unique female body. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. 123. I honor that time. - Benjamin Franklin. 67. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. 279. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. Not only can laughter improve our problem-solving skills, but it can also help battle various diseases. Short Positive Daily Affirmations. 220. Ensure that your actions match your words. I will drink my coffee and conquer my day. 96. 264. 270. Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. The thing is, Im still getting ready. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. 234.
30 Short Daily Affirmations for Living Your Best Life - Healing Brave We get so worried about being pretty lets be pretty kind, pretty funny, pretty smart, pretty strong., 9. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Betty Reese, 9. 10. No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well., 13. 210. Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. 19. ~ Bill Gates. Make the statements about yourself and for yourself. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer., 10. 145. Learn sign language, its very handy. Robert Bloch. Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. Dont worry about those who talk behind your back, theyre behind you for a reason., See also: The Best List Of 130 People Talk Behind Your Back Quotes. 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. 53. 18 Funny Positive Affirmations. 97. Remember that the effects of affirmations are no laughing matter, so make sure your voice is heard. If youre looking for a way to brighten your day and amp up your attitude, youve come to the right place. "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on. "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. 115. Jun 19, 2018 - Explore Jamie Hadland's board "funny/sarcastic affirmations" on Pinterest. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me., 14. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 63. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. 52. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go., 5. 11. 5. We have a connection. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. 157. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. Today I was a hero. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. When life closes a door, just open it again. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. 1. No one can make me feel my jokes are bad. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. Watch popular content from the following creators: Maaryfairyy(@maaryfairyy), Jasmines Garden(@jasminesgarden23), Dazley(@dazzlemeup), JaySean(@jaysean), Nathalie Munoz(@nathaliemunozx3) . 28. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered.
154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. Sincerely, yourself. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. 227. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry.
300+ Short Positive Quotes to Brighten Your Day - PsyCat Games 244. You were too lazy to read that number. 55. 4. 145. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. Gary Delaney, 248. If you woke up feeling drained and blurry, these funny affirmations will boost your energy and get you ready to slay the day! People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. 130. I can't make everyone happy, I'm not tequila. Its okay, he woke up. 3. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. Need to send some positive energy your way? Even on my worst days, turning on some stand up immediately puts me in a better mood. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. I did it! Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. 141. 58. 32. I am my childs greatest comfort. 11. I am capable of eating a family-sized bag of chips. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. 127. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. 160. 101. 53. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. My jokes do. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. 250. 5. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. 189. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. 259. 224. So, here's our compilation of funny work quotes that are perfect for every workplace: Image Source: Unsplash. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. 186. It doesn't make sense to dwell on things you can't do anything about. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. 240. Because it was soda pressing. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Art doesnt transform. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Not me, but somebody does. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. Stop trying to make everyone happy. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. It has features that are distinctive and make me who I am. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. And get over it. 130. Love your enemies. 105. When and How to Let Them Know, How To Cheer Yourself Up When Feeling Down, 5 Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage, Funny Positive Affirmations For Self-Esteem, 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams, 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. 103.
100 Short Positive Affirmations: Keep Repeating Them 8. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.". What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. 132. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. What is the tallest building in the entire world? You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? 246. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. God has never abandoned me. Steven Wright, 252. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. 61. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. They have shown me exactly who I do not want to be., 15. In between, I am alive., 7. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. Its a door, thats how they work. 108. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. Im thinking like a proton, always positive., 9. I might take a nap if I get tired, but I wont quit. 149. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. My funny vibes attract my happy tribe. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. Life is a game full of little and big surprises. 75. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. Frances McDormand, 42. 1. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor.. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. Albert Einstein Im gonna be worse., 12. Because they make up everything. Putting up with others shit isnt on my To-Do list today. Czech proverb
50 Christian Affirmations to Quiet Anxiety & Renew Your Mind - byDeze 110. I am adventurous. 212. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. Theres life without Facebook and internet? The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. 268. Whether youre saying the affirmations aloud or writing them down, laughing along will only strengthen their effect. Infographic: Why Do People Swipe Right (or Left) on Tinder. They shape our present and have an impact on our future. 216. Not sure who to credit this meme to, but kudos. Affirmations can be written in a journal, spoken out loud, or visualized as a conversation between you and money. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. 51. "In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.". 223. George Burns The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. Cindy from Marzahn. Because he was always spotted. Oh sheet! 183. (John 14:27) 27. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Laughter brings me closer to people. 256. Let me know in the comments section down below! 200. You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and strong enough. 100. 249. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. Paul Ehrlich Today I was a hero. 209. Run. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. Raimonda.B. - Donald Trump. My future is a golden, sparkly, explosion of fucking awesomeness. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. 270. 31. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? I breathe in and out. "You have to be odd to be number one.". "If you see me talking to myself. Albert Einstein, 190. 71. 134. 115. For beginners who still struggle with letting their voice out, I recommend starting with funny affirmations that will relax you and make you laugh. Mind blown! 7. I tried, but they wanted cash. Still, you need to embrace each of these surprises with same positive conviction and appreciation. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. Yeah, so is a grenade. 242. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. "We . I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. 191. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. Allow your body to absorb the positivity of your words by repeating them to yourself. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. 197. I have a lot to offer. Because it was soda pressing. 1. They log in. I love my job only when Im on vacation. Find a short calm and peaceful moment in your day and use it for setting your mindset up for happiness. 26. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. Jonathan lockwood huie. Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. Ann Landers, 244. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. 44. I tell you what always catches my eye. I am intelligent. I see food, and I eat it. I receive what I believe. 142. I am naturally cool, calm, and collected. 199. 266. I am thankful for all the problems I dont have. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. When I grow up to be a parent, my children will think the same about me. Top 10 Funny Affirmations For Self-Esteem, Funny Daily Affirmations To Boost Your Energy, Funny Positive Affirmations For Confidence, 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset. Fortunately, theres a way to reap the benefits of these powerful statements by giving them a humorous twist. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. But it'll move up again.". If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. 162. I am tough and resilient. 265. How Do People Share The News About Their Engagements? When the past comes knocking, dont answer. I can create positive change in the world. 30. Whether its because of a bad breakup or just feeling really down, there are ways to look on the bright side and come out on top. Is it perfect? 150. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. Steve Martin Check out our funny affirmation selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. Ive got three bones. If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. Every day, read them aloud for the best results. 215. 197.
110 Funny Work Quotes To Jazz Up Your Workplace - Vantage Circle Albert King 120.
Short Positive Affirmations - 110 Powerful Affirmations - Mindbless You try again, but no sound is coming out. Sam Levenson Your life is your message to the world. Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better. 236.
258+ Funny & Happy Friday Quotes To Explode Your Energy 9. 66. With a cowculator. I stick to things until I get to my destination. Groucho Marx. And a funny bone., 10. Its okay if people dont like me. Also read: 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. I am full of vitality. 208. 274. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. You might use humor as a coping mechanism. 216. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. 124. 34. 113. But then again so does . 6. Im like a postage stamp. 24. I'm sorry, I have to quickly disable alarm level brown. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. 98. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. These little phrases can be said aloud or written down anywhere to remind yourself that everything will turn out okay. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Can February march? 52. 7. Remember, no one can make you feel anything other than what YOU allow yourself. 153. When nothing is going right, go left. Its scary when it disappears. My liver still works. How do trees access the internet? 1. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? 108. 87. 203. Take a look! I see food, and I eat it. 71. Milton Berle, 245. 13. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. The world is missing some pizzazz. Positive affirmations are a longstanding practice for those of us who need a little extra daily encouragement, and the best part isthey're free and they're flexible! 29. Laughter can help you see the humor in otherwise grim situations. 239. Thank God Im an atheist. I am fine. 81. 223. 203. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. 69. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. 21. They planet. - Kyle Chandler. Actually, you dont have to imagine. I will be the type of person I would like my children to become. No man goes before his timeunless the boss leaves early. 249. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. Pat Sajak 20. I accept my body the way it is today. So life is not always "All The Way Up", I guess. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Edward A. Murphy Reciting witty affirmations can help you rise above any problems you encounter. I will create my own magic like my name is J. K. Rowling. 245. Because seven ate nine. I intend to live forever. My mind is becoming much sharper. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. 65. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". 7. I dont suffer from insanity. 168. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. Because seven ate nine. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. 188. 15. Superwoman: single. I am attractive just as I am. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. I personally love watching masters of comedy captivate audiences with their dark humor and crafty punchlines. 214. - Irish Saying. 28. 169. "May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short.". Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. I have a healthy body, tranquil mind and a vibrant soul. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. - Christopher Reeve. If you feel like todays not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, Ive got something that will cheer you up. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. Friday Affirmations. Not everyone has good taste. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. 217. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. 162. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. 276. East If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? I am willing to ask for help when it serves my growth.
90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. 20. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. 277. Share them with your friends and colleagues and make them smile too. 114. Things are getting better all the time.
120 Funny/sarcastic affirmations ideas - Pinterest 91. It gets toad away. Without further ado, let's look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. 141. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. At night, I cant fall asleep. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. 1. 193. I am lazy till I get a motive. 157. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? 254. 8. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. If you are looking for a way to get more laughs in your day, try some of these funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. "Today will be a great day". I am grateful for that time.