You have to answer the . You may feel uncomfortable doing this (which is their goal) but you always have the right to decline a request. Good, the colors on the leaves are amazing (in Fall) But then theres her Im going to need you to be my helper for Christmas Day because Im getting older, and that doesnt seem so presumptuousits MY Christmas Day and MY extended family too. I think feeling unsafe crosses the line where a relationship cant be repaired. Im well aware of that risk. This might just be a difference in communication styles. My current boss is a total jerk.
What are some funny or witty responses for when someone ask you - Quora Him: Good. Instead of saying: "I had a cheeky wine in the garden" Say: "I partook in an al fresco wine tasting. If I have to treat her like a grownup, and not like my minor child that I can boss around, she can fucking treat ME like a grownup, and not like her mommy that she takes for granted.. Anything fun planned? Im not sure it would work on modern creepy dudes. It sounds like you find the second uncomfortable or have had bad experiences with people misusing it to manipulate you. Answer with small truths. )in a way that seems to be back firing. Depending on the purpose of the encounter, that might mark the end of the interaction or serve as an agreed-upon signal for one or the other or both parties to end the dance of content-free niceties and get to the point or commence the conducting of shared business. And we do know that extreme surveillance is a very brutal and destructive form of torture. Same thing you're doing, talking to you now. Btw, the annoyed reaction at go to the airport and the misunderstanding re: grandma could be exactly because she is used to you making decisions for her and expecting her to follow through. To them I am this exotic other they feel entitled to treat in a certain way because their goodness and its expression is more important than my real and complex experience as a human being.. etc. I feel like something mundane like chores will get some pushback, or wont be seen as a task that takes up the whole day(s) off (if I do laundry Saturday, I can still go out Sunday! Acquaintances or co-workers get a vague answer, like, {5 words to say Im in/out of town or am/arent super booked}, then, What are you up to? because its really just small talk. Sometimes, it's good to be a little silly and fun! Wanna do something? or You free Saturday? At the same time, someone can just say oh not much if they dont wanna share, which is what I do if my plans that night are private eg therapy. Since LW was talking about very short-term questions, I certainly hope no one is asking because they need to tell the caterer! Nothing very interesting. In fact there the joke of cant do that, I have to.. (silly excuse of having plans like go wash my hair) that day illustrating that sometimes the white lie of making up plans is an easy way to get out of doing something. 1. because sometimes we have plans that cant change. Trying to build a house. Its not an actual request for information, its a greeting and acknowledgement of each others existence. When I have no plans I tend to respond with some variant of Just chilling, and then if the person offers something that I want to do, I can decide its more fun than chilling, but if I dont want to do it, then its been a long week and I just really need that chill time, you know? I know its a common question and Im sure most people dont mean anything bad by it. You know the people youre interacting with and their likely motivations better than we do, of course. Sometimes your lover or friend may forget to send you a morning text. Maybe shorter comments go through immediately but longer ones need mod-approval? N- New adventure. Im struggling not so much w/ her being at home as I am w/ my worries about her, and with trying to decide whats the best thing for me to doapply pressure? You can do that! Copyright 2011 thru 2023 Jennifer Peepas, all rights reserved. Am I Really? Which I guess was appropriately scary for the season? Not blond but like superwhite. And so if it happens to me, I wind up agreeing to the thing even if maybe I normally wouldnt have, because now I have no valid excuse for declining. Bonus points if you say something that makes zero sense, but you end up getting your family to look at you like a genius anyway. "I'll get back to you once I'm back from my long-awaited trip to the fridge.". Rather than rushing to respond, taking the time to understand what they mean can improve the quality of your response. So setting a rent that I would for any other adult is simply not applicable. Thats where I am as well with my kid. Im glad youre no longer friends with that jerk. This is a great one because it invites the other person to tell you something that they want to share. I don't know, you tell me. Or they may feel social pressure to make conversation in the moment, and dont have any other topic at hand. Tomorrow is the weekend! Trying to remember the name of that weird person you remind me of. Thats my favorite response! But dont try to play us off against each other. Oh, yes, white supremacy/racism in action. I myself often do not care what Im eating because FOOD, but even if I have zero preference as to the restaurant, I will engage in the decision making process in order to help the other person out, and also because it gets us to food that much faster. to add: I think if there are people youre close to who do this a lot, like your sister, you can just tell them its a small thing but it bugs you and can they please ask a different way. @Helen Huntingdon, that is good to know, re feelings and setting off yellow flags. Do not copy, print, or repost entire posts elsewhere without written permission. If you have people in your life who you trust not to get offended at this exchange, definitely give this method a try. Then there is the Miss Manners rebuff, where the pitch is level until the final word is raised. I appreciate the suggestions about responses, having to deal with a pushy in-law (nosy for information and has a big sense of entitlement). I may need some babysitting Mind you, I am white and middle aged and cis-passing, if not actually middle class OR a lady, so this may not work as well for everybody When a friend asks and I find out that I am busy I often offer some other day to show them that I am interested in hanging out with them. I have a rule of thumb for stuff like this, which is sometimes with a passive aggressive person, I just aggressively pretend they asked me a direct question or made a direct statement, and will respond as though they did. Feeding a giraffe. I think it can also be a way of getting to know a person, or the kind of small talk that people in some regions feel they HAVE to make if they want to be polite. You (if you are up for it potentially) yeah, thatd be fun By formal invitation, Im not necessarily meaning an engraved invitation, like for a wedding or other fairly formal event. The second interpretation of this question is, what are you doing in life? Any event.
76 Best Replies and Answers to How Are You Doing? - Trending Us For example, Looking forward to the weekend? or I hope you get to relax this weekend.; My take is that if they wish to continue the conversation, they will do so, but if not, they can reply with a Yes/No. What about you? All right, good, fine, grand are the normal answers, and then its repeated back. I wish people could just say I want to do (thing) do you want to do (thing) with me?, All I can tell ya is what I have been doing for years: After answering you always ask the other person in return how they are, and they respond in kind. The people who are asking what are you doing this weekend? before making a request are taking away the LWs easy out that is, by getting LW to admit that he/she/they are free, the option to refuse with Oh, sorry, I have plans already is no longer there. Thats thats exactly what makes it a microagression. Fine, thanks, and you? Your turn to tell me what you have in mind!. I can ask them on Monday how it was. *Him: Hello, how are you? I kind of resent that you assume I will tell you. Yes! 3. If it makes you feel better, I did not compare you to my father. Im usually free Wednesdays and Thursdays, or I could do a weekend if we plan ahead., Translation: I want to have dinner with you sometime. I learned to say Ill see where the weekend takes me, which leaves me open to accept invitations if I want to or to decline to work on Sunday if I dont want to. Right now? I have a group of friends now whom I trust not to give me a hard time about the explicit choice to paint my toenails in front of Netflix instead of going out. If its just a soft open to an invitation, you can be annoyed by it, or you can say, I dunno, you?. And it's a great way to know what's at the top of someone's mind. Most dont mean to be manipulative, and if thats not their intention, Why, whats up? wont bother them in the slightest, nor will never finding out what you actually are doing next Thursday or what you did with that time if you turned them down. After some reflection, my normal version of this (me asking) is You free this weekend? Oh, stop it, will you? The Gladys response is a strategy where all anyone will ever see is you beaming at Pushy Neighbor, talking in a hugely positive way at Pushy Neighbor, and so on, but youre still getting to tell Pushy Neighbor to back the fuck off. That way your daughter can organize her time (which is an important adult skill) and gets some input on what is a chore and how important it is (which allows her to build other adult skills) and she wont get interrupted that much (which to you doesnt feel that way but her story looks probably very different). Example: What are you doing? Ive found that Why do you ask? comes across as a little cold or accusatory over text, but can be really warm/ friendly in person or over the phone. I might not feel quite as entitled to her time, but Id probably still think there were some things I could ask of her that shed be wrong to refuse. But more often we talk about their kids or grandkids or the cute hat theyre wearing or the wedding theyre shopping for. I understand commenters who dont see this question as anything more than polite small talk.